She's At It Again

Back handed, contradictory, painful and ...fuck, y'all, she's literally going to make me crazy...

BRITNEY-VILLE party of 1: ME!

My life has been a lie. I was an adopted girl. Different. And my "mother" can't wait to get rid of me. Now I'm afraid she's going to get what she's wanted all along. Me gone. She can keep the money, estates, house, I don't care about that I just wanted my mom behind me for my wedding...

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Hi Megs,

Thanks for the heads up on the Christmas tree sale even though I can't summon any Christmas spirit this year.

I also thank you for the update and I'm happy that you ARE takingcare of yourselves, that Craig loves his new job (I've only heard good things about Fidelity as a company), that you are content with your life, and are making plans for the new year including having the kind of wedding you want on your own terms. And that you have written to your Aunts and Uncles.

I don't believe any one pities you. What is there to pity? If they had been silent you would have said they didn't care and when they reach out you say it's pity and disgusting and offends you. Damned if they do and damned if they don't. I guess they used the word "postponed" asthey believed you and Craig would get married at a different time...which, in effect, you are planning to do. And we all get that the attached wedding portfolio is not on hold but "cancelled" as you stated. I also understand when you say you will decide who is going to be invited and that would include me.

Megan, I have always been willing to take responsibility for my actionsand the consequences. I realized that you would be hurt, angry and many of the other things you have written and probably would cut me out of your life until such time as you wanted or chose to renew a relationship. That's the part that makes my decision so very hard to live with. In my heart I did what I thought was best for you.

Why else would I ever put you and I and Craig through all this?When you were little I used to say to you "Who loves you?" Your response: "Mom, Dad and Megan. Why Megan? Because if you can't love yourself how can you love anyone else?" I didn't see my daughter very happy with herself. You tell me now in no uncertain terms that you ARE happy and you are going to live life on your own terms. That's all I've ever wanted for you.

Since you think I need my head examined anyway, I think you are acting better and more focused than you have in a long while. You didn't implode. You're fighting back and standing up and shouting "this is me, world/family, take or leave it." and taking charge of your health and your future. And I couldn't be prouder of you.

Love always,

Mom

P.S. We are planning to bring Nan's reclining chair home as she is now in a wheelchair and won't be using it. Do you want your Dad's chair delivered to you over the holidays?_____________________________________________________

Mom:

This response is typical. This is why you're making me crazy.

You're assuming, reading into things wrong and being hurtful again.

I'm not disowning you. In fact, I said I WOULDN'T because of what I've seen it do to other people and families in the last email to you. All I want from you, is an admission that you personally caused me a nervous breakdown by your actions. You obviously don't see or feel that... you think that was "for the best". I'm not disowning you, but I'm holding you accountable for what you did.

You made the wrong call.

Just like you did when you let me run away with Chris after Dad died (since you mentioned you wanted to talk about it). I pulled away from you, because you wouldn't greive with me - so I found someone who would. Someone profoundly good at greiving and manipulation... I wasted too many years on him... and you hated him - but in a sense, you created the need in me for that. I obviously got the same tastes from you.

To the rest of the family - this is what I'm dealing with... No less nuts than me, but Mom won't even talk to a shrink... see if any of this this sounds familiar, and maybe one of you can talk her into it:

Paranoid personality disorder is a psychiatric diagnosis that denotes a personality disorder with paranoid features. It is characterized by an exaggeration of the cognitive modules for sensitivity to rejection, resentfulness, distrust, as well as the inclination to distort experienced events. Neutral and friendly actions of others are often misinterpreted as being hostile or contemptuous. Unfounded suspicions regarding the sexual loyalty of partners and loyalty in general as well as the belief that one’s rights are not being recognized is stubbornly and argumentatively insisted upon. Such individuals can possess an excessive self-assurance and a tendency toward an exaggerated self-reference. Pathological jealousy, instinctive aggressive counter-attack, the need to control others, and the gathering of trivial or circumstantial "evidence" to support their jealous beliefs also features. The use of the term paranoia in this context is not meant to refer to the presence of frank delusions or psychosis, but implies the presence of ongoing, unbased suspiciousness and distrust of people.

...And she read that thinking it was about me, I bet.

Rubber room me. I'm so done for today. And it's 11am. FUCK!!!

Megan.

PS - You're right mom, I don't want you at my wedding if this is how I'm being treated.