Serve, Point, Match.

Hi Megan,

I guess I will have to get Slice so I can see your TV debut. Sounds quite exciting.

I am having Gary, Freya, Mary Lou, David and hopefully Charles for brunch on the 23rd. You and Craig are of course invited and always welcome. Jason, Mel and the baby aren't going to be able to making it down during the holidays.

I haven't gone to your web diary. I just can't take any more written accusations right now.

The tree is up and partially decorated but the spirit of the holidays is missing.

Mom fell again tonight but luckily we placed a mattress on the floor beside her bed before we left today so she was unharmed. I don't know what's up with Nan lately. She also got up on the edge of her bed first thing this morning calling out "hello, hello".

Take care,
Love,
Mom
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RESPONSE NEVER SENT:

Since I stopped talking to you, the only time I cry is when I get emails from you...

Nan is functioning on a different level of reasoning. My guess would be she is agitated by the energy you're bringing into the room. Or maybe she just finally gets that she got screwed the day you moved her. I dunno, it's just another thing to break my heart...

I have a feeling I may not come home from my doctors appointment tomorrow. Some of the things I tell my doc may have her nervous enough to committ me... Don't worry little cyber-people, I'm not suicidal, but I have moments where rage, or sadness gets run of my whole body... and it happens so often as of late... I wish for everyone's sake they could just lock me away for a while.

Let Craig have a fun life for a while without "Little Miss Bring-Down", let my Mom see that years of torment do add up and give myself time to really appreciate my friends who are the only ones who have stood by me like no others did. It's all about faith.

On Dexter, my favourite show, he asks his sister (who had been raped, almost murdered, etc), how she got through the weight of all her pain, she responded:

"I dunno, you just... one day see THROUGH it. And when you do, you see who you want to be on the other side; and you cling on to that thought as hard as you can - fucking everything and everyone that might get in your way until you are that vision, you know?"

Fuck, I wish I did, but it sounded real nice.