Well, as mentioned in my last post (5 months ago, might I add), my life has been a crazy whirlwind recently. Perhaps it's because there's about a year until the big day, perhaps it's just a John Cusack moment, but I have been settling old business like it's going out of style.
Erik Segelbaum (my high school sweetheart), and I no longer speak. Turns out he grew up to be everything I loathe. Ouch. I hate it when that happens.
Sean Seymour and I are still buddies and he's thrilled to hear about the wedding... he was the one guys who ALWAYS drank me under the table...and those who knew me back in the day know that was a HUGE feat!
Steve Cowan and I found our peace where we could and resolved to put aside our childishness. We'll never be close friends, but we're okay with that.
Jesse Steinman and I made peace earlier this year and it seems we may have even become grown ups and *gulp* FRIENDLY. Scary.
I even got back in touch with my FIRST CRUSH from highschool... Tey... he has my record for best shoot-down ever... ME, "I really like you... like, more than a friend... and I was wondering..." HIM, "I'm gay. How could you not tell?"
And of course, there was Chris Mitchell, those who know my LJ will be very familiar with the name. A thorn in my side if I ever had one - and this twig bore no rose. One last long message; and I can say it's the last because when I'm done with this they'll be nothing left for me to say...
"One last shot... good on ye" was the best he had to say when I text messaged him last week. I can't remember the details, besides my telling him, in no uncertain terms, how horribly he fucked with my head. He tried to act as if the EXPERIENCE of being with him was something we deserved thanksgiving for... after all, NOW I'm getting married. So shouldn't I be happy that the experience with him got me to this point? Urm... NO. Flat out.
Chris, let me say this to you directly: I may not know how you've changed (AND MY GOD, I PRAY YOU HAVE), but what you did to me was painful, devastating, scarring, mortifying, embarrasing, childish and mean. Not the heartbreak. That happens all the time and I got very good at it. I mean the psycological hell I went through over the past two years to figure it all out. You may as well be a dungeon master - and NOT the good kind. You twisted the language so I was never 'girlfriend', just friends, we never dated, even though I lived with you... you JUST didn't want me... and that would've been OK - had you been honest about it and turned me away.
I know I'm not the only one... I know some of their names. Sadly, there are SO any more that I don't. All I wanted to know was that you understood what you did and that you will NEVER act that way again - to any woman. Look at your neice and think what you would've done if she'd been with someone like you...
On that note, if you see me with a tall redhead with a goatee, do me a favour and just make yourself disappear. Craig has already made his feelings about you REALLY clear to me and frankly, I'm not going to stand in his way.
Maybe it's your creepy tiny hands or the fact you won't tell a soul about how they got that way. Maybe it was the time you threw me into your dresser or the time you didn't show up at my grandfathers funeral. Maybe it was the way you made ME end it, when I was so fragile... I'd love to see you get all fucked up. I really just wish I were trained enough to beat you to a pulp myself.
*SIGH*
Time to get a restraining order Chris... sounds like I may have some unresolved rage issues, too.
And with that, my readers, I am going to retire. For NOW, I have a man who tells me he loves me everyday, wishes me sweet dreams EVERY night, holds me close - even when I lash out in anger, supports me no matter WHAT I'm going through, takes better care of me than my own mother does, brings me flowers for no reason, cuddles anytime I ask, lets me chose the movie... the list goes on... and the kicker is, this one really IS fated.
"From this life, and THROUGH the next"
