Dear Beth,
I'll start by answering your questions:
I did see my Mom over Christmas. She stopped by to drop off gifts, but didn't want me to open them until Christmas. Things were okay until I opened it and found a jewelry box, but inside was a necklace with a charm of scissors on it. How's that for a nasty head game?
The wedding is effectively cancelled until Craig and I can get our financial act together. Sickness benefits are better than nothing, but he's working 50-55 hour weeks trying to pay his student debts off. As you know money truly can be the root of all evil. For all intents and purposes, I guess we're engaged with no firm date.
However, that being said I've been looking into civil ceremonies that only run about $400. Of course you will be the first to know! With my adoptive mother effectively out of my life, that's the God's honest truth. :-P
The next few days are a little hectic; friends over on Friday night, a concert Saturday and my brother-in-law is coming back with the Canadian Sledge Hockey Team from a tourney Japan on Sunday evening.
Plus the therapy. Whoa. Talk about an eye-opener yesterday...
My therapist basically tried to explain that my adoptive mother (conscious or not) has played a lot of head games with me over the years and handled my disorder inappropriately. As Dr. Madigan explained, it's hard to find fault with your parents when you've deified them for a long time, and she said it will be a long time until I can honestly come to grips with that.
Part of the surrounding issue is that I'm also highly judgemental of myself. As the doc put it, I judge myself on everything (and harshly) so that no matter what people may say about me, I can be prepared for it. This is something likely born out of being bullied at a young age. If you fit in and no one notices you, you won't get the crap kicked out of you. That was a hard one to accept. I guess I am my own harshest critic.
The doc loved hearing about you, too. She was amazed at how, despite our genetic similarities, your situation enstilled you with so much courage. I can't honestly say I could've have done what you did. You're a pretty tough chick. ;-)
So it's a little emotionally exhausting but I'm working through a lifetime of hidden thoughts, it's to be expected I suppose. :-) On the whole, life is good. I still have work to do, but I've always been okay with paying my dues. :-)
Love and Hugs to you lil' sis!
Megs (and Craig)
PS - We have steak in the freezer, pulled beef in the fridge and fresh fish and chips. Don't worry, I'm eating... just not huge portions and I'm trying to avoid my coke addiction (THE DRINK!) which in and of itself is terrible for me (10 tsp of sugar in a can?!). I'm healthy and with how often I see doctors I'm sure they'll let me know!
PPS - My doc wants me to start on the generic version of selexa which causes weight gain so even with the working out and diet, things may change! :-P
Meg and Beth, December 2008
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