Did anyone get the license plate of that truck?

So I saw Dr. Madigan today. She said a lot of good things and I did a lot of crying and she was disgusted by the 'scissor' necklace charm I got for Christmas... which, for some reason, also upset me. (Wild, that.)

Hey, one thing I've been promising is to be extremely open!

I was asked today, if I had my mother in a room and I could say ANYTHING I wanted, and she could NEVER repeat it to anyone, what would I say?

I thought a long time, started crying and said, "I'd probably rip this damn scissor-symbolism necklace off, throw it in her face and walk out. I'm too angry to say anything productive.

For the record, I was told NOT to do this in real life as that's kinda rude. However I was also told it's okay to angry at her. She's been a controlling, manipulative, passive-aggressive Mom. That doesn't mean she MEANT to do it. It just kinda happened, and like I said, with the family history, it was likely only a matter of time.

It's so funny that after being SO upset by how Craig's family acted during Christmas in 2006, I've come to see them as a highly functioning, open bunch. They just scream, take a nap and apologize later. I didn't get it at first, but after this year - I GET IT! No talking behind people's backs and little vendettas and competition over how big the gifts are for the kids...

Example: Oh, well, if Kathy gives each of our kids $40 each, then we should give Megan something that adds to the same amount - DID ANYONE ACTUALLY SAY THIS, OR WAS THIS JUST MADE UP BY MY MOM?

Christmas this year was so tame. Granted everyone was hungover and I was REALLY not in the Christmas spirit (and heavily sedated), but it was so organic it was hard not to have a great time. Plus I love all the siblings around. Crazy.

Anyway, the bottom line is, I believe my mother to be a passive-aggressive person hell-bent on keeping me closer than is possible. She used my disorder as an excuse to put all the weight on me rather than just saying, "I don't think you're ready to get married".

Are you mortified [for her] yet? You damn well should be.

I'm mailing her the necklace back. Whether or not it was from the One of a Kind 2006 or 2007 is irrelevant. It was a stupid and inexcusable gift given the circumstances.

So, that's it for now - the intensive twice per week sessions start next week. Soon I'll be dying to work just so I don't have to go to therapy!

Also, I'm not supposed to analyze Mom and her actions and how they relate to me anymore. Observe, take notes, but don't analyze. :-/ ...Dr. Madigan thinks I can't do that yet. I'll try though.