Pandora's Box Explained.

My family can print this and use it as a mad-libs of emotional outpouring. Pick the appropriate word for your position and AWAY YOU GO! Enjoy!

Dear / Friend / Aunt / Uncle / Cousin / Second Cousin / Third Cousin (select one),

I'm sorry my actions have made my mother, your / friend / sister /aunt / great aunt / cousin / second cousin (select one) feel so / angry / hurt / upset / betrayed /overjoyed / off the hook (select one). It has taken me a lot of therapy to begin sorting through the pandora's box she opened after cancelling the wedding due to a / change of heart / fear that her daughter's crazy /we're not having kids /stock market crash (select one). I cannot speak to her until I am able to define who I am and support myself without her controlling every aspect of my / life / love life / future / past (select one...or all in this case).

I need YOU to know that I am not a person who strives for weath or power. I don't want it. With power and money, often come immorality and loss of ethics (don't even get me started on this). I would rather be a social activist barely making ends meet than hold any position where my decisions can negatively impact on the planet and people.

Call me a / bohemian / "arteeste" / eutopian-nutter / crazy lady (select one), but that is who I am. I don't feel you all necessarily respect that of me, but I'm not changing. And true, you may just think I'm /ill / sick / damaged / in need of a rubber room (select one), but how sick can someone be when they see their therapist twice a week and take their meds. I'm working on it, but instead of respect for my treatment, people keep pestering me.

If I haven't emailed you - I don't want to hear from you / Friend / Aunt / Uncle / Cousin / Second Cousin / Third Cousin (select one) - unless you're Katie or Beth (or any other Daly/Lusk family member).

side note: Sorry about the lapse ladies, I owe you both a call.
I'm a model of how someone who thinks they're worth nothing can start to prove to themselves that they're worth everything in the world. And I don't need to prove it to you / Friend / Aunt / Uncle / Cousin / Second Cousin / Third Cousin (select one), just to me... so back the "F" off before I actually decide that disowning everyone is best. It's a mighty thin line these days.

My plans for the future (next 5 years) will be moving away (the U.K., then to Australia) and I hope that I can have a meaningful goodbye when that happens. I'm just very aware that the main feeling I still harbour is anger. I want my mother to BEG for my forgiveness. That's trite and selfish, too, but I can't help what I'm feeling. I want a real "I'm sorry", not just offered in a necklace shaped liked scissors - what kind of mother gives that as a gift at a time like this? Jane? Mary? Mary Lou? Carol? Anyone?

A year ago, my mother was best friend and I couldn't have said a bad word about her if I tried. Now I can't think of her without becomming enraged to the point of breakdowns. She doesn't care. She never did. She never wanted me. She wanted the status symbol ...and the little girl inside me is still pissed off about it.

I thought Dad was 'slow' cause he was always so quiet around me. But he loved me from the second he held me. He called me his little angel and cried for almost a day after they got me... My mother was like a stone (HER INTERPRETATION GIVEN TO ME MULTIPLE TIMES). Like, "Oh, look, my parcel has arrived". He was there after school, swimming lessons, taking me to choir practice even though he didn't go to church... and I know mom made sacrifices like coming to school with me EVERYDAY for 3 months (but that's probably just one more reason I'm insane in the brain).

As a result of all this, / Aunt / Uncle / Cousin / Second Cousin / Third Cousin (select one if applicable), I can't deal with her and as a result, most of you. It's not that I don't care for you, but I have lost my trust and faith in the family I once felt sheltered in. The majority of you are judgemental, calculating and cold a lot of the time - but at least you're not selfish. Either way, / Aunt / Uncle / Cousin / Second Cousin / Third Cousin (select one if applicable), I'm too fragile for any of you right now.

I'm sorry if you feel like I'm turning my back or that I don't care, because that's simply not the case. The fact of the matter is I / love you / respect your life and choices / miss you dearly (select one or all of the above). I just have to figure out myself and who I want to be without my mother and familial influence.

I've been Pinocchio without a puppeteer for a few months now, and NOW I'm just trying to be a "real boy".

One day, I won't just be an openly broken girl. But for now, I'm afraid you all just have to accept it.

With respect and love (and a hint of frustration),

Megs.