Some Notes On Heath Ledger's Death

From TMZ.com

"Multiple sources in the NYPD tell TMZ, although it's too early to know, it's looking like Heath Ledger's death was accidental and not suicide.

There have been numerous reports suggesting that Ledger took his own life by ingesting a boatload of pills. Contrary to initial reports, the pills that were "scattered" around Ledger's apartment were actually in containers. We're told the containers were not littering the apartment. Rather, some were in the medicine cabinet and some in other rooms. As we reported, one container was on Ledger's nightstand. Cops found sleeping pills and an anti-anxiety drug in the bedroom.

A rep for the family tells TMZ that detectives have been in touch with Ledger's next of kin and the cops told them that so far there is no evidence suggesting suicide. Of course, until the toxicology reports come in, no one knows for sure.

A well-connected source in the NYPD told us this morning the "operating theory" right now within the department is that it was an accidental death, not suicide.

It's unclear if Ledger's health was a factor. As we first reported, he had pneumonia at the time of his death."


From CP24's live Television Coverage - 9:35am

Tracy Moore on CP24 reported this morning that since Heath's portrail of the disturbed and insane Joker for the upcoming Batman movie, "The Dark Knight", he had problems sleeping and had begun taking sleeping pills.


My Take:

The fact that both sleeping pills and anti-anxiety medication we're found IN CONTAINERS, suggests that the overdose was accidental, not intentional. Many anti-anxiety medications (like the ones I take) are sedatives and not to be used with sleeping pills. The autopsy will tell the whole story. It is scheduled for sometime today.

NOTE: The autopsy performed in NY earlier today yeilded inconclusive evidence and further results will be filed after 10 days once toxicology can confirm what was present in his system. An update from TMZ.com reported, "TMZ has confirmed two of the medications found at Heath Ledger's apartment were Xanax and Valium, both anti-anxiety drugs. Cops also found Ambien, along with several medications prescribed in Europe." This is starting to sound a little "Anna Nicole" for my liking. Why do you have SO many prescription meds laying around your place at the age of 28?

R.I.P. Heath Ledger

Heath Ledger, April 4, 1979 - January 22, 2008, Aged 28

Provided by: http://fametastic.co.uk

I had to make a note because, sadly, I see some of myself in these celebrities who find their own ways to tragic ends. Perhaps it's my own self destructive nature, but every time I hear one of these stories (Brad Renfro, who had multiple substance issues died just last week at 25), my stomach goes into knots.

I wish that I could talk to these people - and listen to hear what's really going through their heads. It all seems so close to what I feel sometimes... apparently, Heath had had no real influence from "adults" once he moved to LA, though TMZ reports he had a squeaky clean image, a friend close to him has now reported he has had problems in the past but had been able to get himself under control without rehab. Look how well that turned out.

Not to mention I have my own suspicions that Heath was a closested homosexual (to clarify: I'm not gay-bashing here), so if he had substance problems it kinda fits. Failed marriage (to Dawson's Creek's Michelle Williams), no one to lean on, custody issues with your child (who was a 'surprise', let's be honest), overworked and stressed (3 projects inside a year)... it starts to add up.

Now, perhaps, that masseuse was there because he was taking a spa day because he had a sore back. Maybe that's what the meds were for. Maybe it was just a freak allergic reaction to a pain killer. Maybe. But my heart tells me something different. And I hurt a little for those like him (Brad, Britney, Avril).

We're too young to be so self-destructive! Where do we start?

...where do I start?

Some thoughts for those who greive...

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glints on snow
I am the sunlight on ripened grainI
am the gentle autumn rain
When you awaken in the mornings hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight
I am the soft stars that shine at night
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there, I did not die.
-Unknown

R.I.P. Molly

We got word last night from Craig's brother Drew, that Molly, one of Drew's beloved pooches had eaten a slew of his medical garbage which had impacted her stomach and intestines. Craig lived with Molly for a year and a half while living with Drew in Coldwater so he is devastated.

She was an integral part in my coming to love dogs. Large dogs had been a source of fear for me, but meeting "baby" I just couldn't remain afraid!

While the early reports sounded like she was as good as gone, when we spoke to Drew around 9:30pm, the vet had said she was doing better and provided she made it through the night her odds were very good. Craig seemed to have a sense of optimism, I didn't share; but of course, I was grateful she was still here. That was good enough.

Sadly, Molly didn't make it through the night and is being cremated to be burried in the ground she loved to run through.

Craig and I will be going up in the spring for that occassion, but in the meantime, it's just more sadness.

Mom's response email was just too long to completely ignore. I had to get my one point across. Kathy Doherty, you aren't perfect, you weren't when you got me, you never will be and I'm not either and that's okay .
________________________________________
I knew you couldn't just listen... Defensive guilt trips were going to follow... Now, I don't have much else to say because each of your emails only make me worse... this is no dramatic exaggeration but your last one had me in crying in bed for the whole day - catholic guilt at it's best, eh? I just wanted you to understand ONE THING you kinda fibbed through in your last email.

I heard you on the phone perfectly: you didn't want to plan until I am mentally healthy and working full time... In fact, I SAID THE WORDS FOR YOU! Truthfully, no, I can't promise I'll be there in 10 months, and Craig knows that. It doesn't change anything between us, besides our personal fiances, and those are looking up for him. When he told his parents the wedding was postponed because of my mental condition, his parents were shocked... just so you know, not EVERYONE thinks you did the right thing...

The bottom line is I'm shocked you had so little faith in me as to do / say those things in the first place. I know you see this as being something good and "right", something to save me. But now, you've made yourself from a wedding planner to MAYBE being an invitee.

AND since all your money is off the table, why don't you print all these off and take these emails to a psycho-therapist, have him/her read it and talk out some of your issues. I don't think I'm the only one here who needs help... and I'm the daughter so you talking out your "lonely" or "Dad issues" with me is innappropriate. Go see a shrink... or be a weeping widow your whole life, I don't care... but I don't want any more of the ongoing saddness, guilt and mind-games from you.

Pained by you, beyond belief...
m.

PS - You won't get any more emails (or calls) until I see my shrink or I'll end up committing myself for 48 hours for assessment (almost gone twice). My meds are not enough to deal with this kind of hurt alone and everytime I read one of your letters I feel manipulated, guilted...really mostly manipulated - you're really very good at it.

PPS - If you really are trying to show love, try saying NOTHING but loving words. It's a good place to start. Sadly I can't be the bigger person to do that, because I'm the DAUGHTER.